People say, "you are a beautiful woman, Rita. You are so strong, you lived such an interesting life." But at the edge of 35 when my boobs firmly point downwards and my face is covered with wrinkles, after 6 years of a meaningful relationship with just one man, is it wrong to want to know that I'm just a pretty girl? Not an amazing woman, not a great mother, not a community staple, not strong and determined, not career minded, not remarkable, not good writer, not some super woman....
Just a pretty girl you'd want to fuck.
I might as well tell everyone that we, very sadly, lost the baby. we'll be trying again soon. Really, I would rather not get... I dunno, I don't want sorrow or anything - every one is a reminder. I wanted to just let everyone know, since everyone was so happy for us... it only seems fair that we'd let you know to reserve that hapiness for next time.
It is a strange time. Last time I was pregnant, it was such a shock. Such an unexpected, "end of the world", "what am I going to do?" It all worked out well in the end, of course... but I think back then to a poor college student who was hella freaked out, this type of an event would have been something (ugly as it may be) positive.... And now we want a baby. We've been trying for 6 months, and we finally get one. And we were so excited... and now we are equally as miserable.
Time and security in life, it changes us so... I am so much more these days. I have so much more. Yet something so simple as a body strong enough to support a pregnancy is something I no longer have...
well, enough of the ramblings... Life goes on, right? Here is to better luck next time.
Dear Family and Friends,
I’ve decided to take action against cancer by participating in the American Cancer Society Relay For Life® event right here in my community. Relay For Life® is about celebration, remembrance, and hope. By participating, I am honoring cancer survivors, paying tribute to the lives we've lost to the disease, and raising money to help fight it.
Please help support me in this important cause by making a donation. It is faster and easier than ever to support me by making a secure, tax-deductible donation online using the link below. If you would prefer, you can send your contribution to the mailing address listed below.
Whatever you can give will help - it all adds up! I greatly appreciate your support and will keep you posted on my progress.
To make a donation online, visit my personal page http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RelayForLifeGreatLakesDivision?px=6532637&pg=personal&fr_id=4253
To send a donation, make all checks payable to: American Cancer Society
2010 Hogback Rd., Ste 4
Ann Arbor, MI 48105
Double Your Money
Many employers offer matching funds programs. For example, if you gave a $50 donation it could turn into $100. Please inquire with your personnel/HR department to complete the paperwork required to get your gift matched. Visit our Matching Gifts page.
American Cancer Society Cancer Action Network
You have the opportunity to fight back against cancer year round by joining the American Cancer Society Cancer Action Network. For a donation of $10, you will become a part of a growing organization dedicated to eliminating cancer as a major public health problem. Through issue campaigns and voter education, ACS CAN works to encourage lawmakers and candidates to support laws and policies that will help people fight cancer. You CAN take action. We CAN save lives. Join CAN today, at acscan.org.
Mosaic Of Hope
You can also memorialize your loved one by creating a Mosaic Of Hope. Visit the American Cancer Society Mosaic Of Hope web site to build your own memorial site dedicated to your loved one.
this is also in DM on TV...
Went to parent's house to meet sister for lunch. Was very jealous (like a brat) of everything that sister gets to get away with with hugs and wishes of "have fun" from them that I used to get beaten for. Am very about the whole thing. Yes, I know I am a brat, but really, when it was me trying to do it at 21 they put me out of the house. Feel very bitter atm,... alas. At least I'm glad they lightened up enough to not be assholes to my lil sis.
The whole lil sis thing is just mixed emotions for me lately - she is becoming her own and wants little to do with me, which makes me feel very old and uncool. Such is life I suppose.
On the VERY BRIGHT side - went to see Jellybean, who, actually, has a proper name it turns out - Tricia Deilyn (or however) - and is the most adorable baby I've ever held. I remember when Josh was that tiny and holding him used to kill my arms... Well, this baby felt like it weighs nothing. Maybe having a second one is a lot easier after all - that's what everyone keeps saying. Anyway, this was the first time I've actually said for like an hour that I wanted a baby. I got over it eventually.
Oh, and... we bought half the store for Jellybean including, among sredits and green/purple things a sheep footed thingie! Must start the baby on the sheep-ing early!
*loves on her warder and her greeny sis*
Oh, and I love Jim's parents. Hope they do come to visit next Monday
|you are deeppink|
Your dominant hues are red and magenta. You love doing your own thing and going on your own adventures, but there are close friends you know you just can't leave behind. You can influence others on days when you're patient, but most times you just want to go out, have fun, and do your own thing.
Your saturation level is high - you get into life and have a strong personality. Everyone you meet will either love you or hate you - either way, your goal is to get them to change the world with you. You are very hard working and don't have much patience for people without your initiative.
Your outlook on life is very bright. You are sunny and optimistic about life and others find it very encouraging, but remember to tone it down if you sense irritation.
|the spacefem.com html color quiz|
mmm... not THAT optimistic
Well, September has been a very quick and very busy month so far, with the PTO, school starting, work being what it is, child and fiancee... Very busy girl. Lots of changes, but mostly good ones. It's nice to have a date on any night of the week, even if all we do is sit at home and watch Buffy.
We've surpassed all expected levels of cutness, even the picture coasters, and have moved into the absolutely revolting stage of "merged". We now have numbered the most commonly used phrases, such as "pot, kettle, black" and "you are infuriating" and "I love you" into numbers. So then we don't have to say them, we can simply indicate with a gesture of a hand that a particular person *cough* Greg*cough* is being infuriating and not NEARLY as funny as he thinks he is.
Life is bliss. It's been too long without to not enjoy every second of with. Keep being genuinely surprised... Keep discovering feelings that I did not know existed... Trying to get used to the fact that he is not leaving.
A lot of people said it would not last. That we cannot trully know each other from a long distance relationship. I am fairly convinced that they were wrong. And finding out things I did not know before has been part of the fun... An exciting part. Don't tell Greg, though, he might get a big head.
Can hardly wait. Yet must. But can hardly focus on anything else. How unbeleivably insanely different my life will be in a matter of hours. How happy....
wow. again we are back to describing intense emotions in three letter words. Just wow.
|You Are a Purple Crayon|
Your world is colored in dreamy, divine, and classy colors.
You hold yourself to a sky high standard, and you are always graceful.
People envy, idolize, and copy you without realizing it. You are an icon for those who know you.
And while it is hard to be a perfectionist, rest assured it's paying off!
Your color wheel opposite is yellow. While yellow people may be wise, they lack the manners and class needed to impress you.
Can't sleep. Too nervous. Wish I was in london.
If someone is in London, go hang out by embassy and give Greg a hug when he comes out?
Love, be brave. *know* that I am with you heart and soul. May love guide you. We'll be together soon.